You're right; he's a jerk. Now didn't that make us all feel better?
Actually, I'm delighted that you want to understand what the proper handling of such a situation might be; it would be far easier to cop a "Hop on Pop" attitude. And you, fair reader, did you suppress the impulse to haul off and give the doc a rebooting smack?
Did you recognize the two central issues?
1. He doesn't recall what he previously requested.
2. He doesn't have anyone trustworthy at his own office to watch his back and keep him apprised of schedule changes.
Ask yourself: is the forgetfulness a new behavior? Is he under stress? Are there signs of substance abuse or dementia?
Then, the head of your unit needs to pull up his or her metaphoric big-girl panties and deal with it. This doctor both likes and trusts the staff of your unit—he is trusting you to alert him of schedule changes, and the "chat and act like nothing happened" reaction is likely an indicator of liking you.
The nurse manager should approach this issue, not as an issue of right or wrong behavior, but with an attitude of concern. Ask for a moment to speak privately. Lay out for him the discordant notification requests, and your concern for him that his own office doesn't provide him the support he needs to take care of his patients.
Then, shut up and listen; let him speak with only occasional supportive murmurs. What you hear may surprise you.
